The Arranged Marriage Circus

Marriage market is growing rapidly in India. Love has become the last criteria to find the right one. All you need is money to become someone's soul mate. And in this case various matrimonial sites are your best friends who help you to find the bank balances of your partner. Though its termed as “arranged marriage” in India but it’s yet to get any name in other countries. Even in love marriages couples check the wealth of their partner before they decide to get married. There is countless number of sites in India who play the role of matchmaker between the parents first actually. If the parents like each other then they expect that their children would/had already fall in love with each other. It wouldn’t be wrong if I say, “marriages are made in matrimonial sites” these days. Before you step into this market here I have few suggestions for you to keep in mind:

• Before you take the final decision talk to your in-laws. Have face to face conversation with them and ask them how they feel about your decision to marry your partner. Find out if they are happy about it or it’s your partner who had somehow convinced or forced them about you. Trust me the truth will help you in future.

• Talk to your would be mother- in -law. Ask her directly if she feel insecure or somehow feel threatened? In most cases mother in laws behave like a jealous girlfriend after marriage. They feel jealous when their son spend time with their partner or do something for them. They are not ready to leave some space for the new couple and if the couple find space themselves then strangely the mother in law think that their son had betrayed her. First they force their son to marry and after that they cry over the fact that her son is married. Talk to your would be about her insecurities so that together with your partner you can find out a peaceful way to solve it.

• Do not keep any unrealistic expectation from your partner. If you have any particular expectation from your partner then let him know about it. Few days back a newly married couple came to our place for lunch. Wife had her list ready for shopping which her husband was finding hard to fulfill. Her list includes flat, car, furniture and electronic gadgets. This was creating troubles in their just started married journey. Few months before their marriage the man was staying in Japan therefore the girl assumed that he earns a lot but didn’t care to ask him about it. Now, this is creating tension in their marriage.

• Do not hide your past from your partner. Having ex. doesn’t make you sinner. Ex means that you’re capable of giving love to others and most importantly you know what love is and love is what is important to make a marriage successful. Show them your scars proudly and if they cannot accept it then they are not worth it.

• Show them your true self. Do not pretend to be someone you’re not before marriage. Would you be able to pretend for rest of your life? This always happen in arranged marriages. Both the families and sometimes the bride and groom themselves try to present each other as perfect souls so much that you might wonder that they have already achieved Nirvana .

• Sixth point is only applicable for Indian. Some families expect their daughter- in- law to wear traditional dress, sari whenever she goes outside. Talk to them about it before marriage if you’re not comfortable wearing it all the time. Most of the people often ignore this point but to me it’s very important. Trust me even clothes can disturb your peace of mind. If you do not feel comfortable in what you’re wearing and if you’ve to wear it for long time then it will take away all your sanity from you.

• Time has changed and it’s in your hand to change the mindset of people around you. Let them know before you tie knot or say, “I do” that you believe in "right to equality" in every sphere of your life. Let them know that your parents would very much remain your parents after marriage.

    Apart from these trust, respect and understanding should be there in a couple. Spend as much time as possible together to know each other. Try to find out the negative shades and ask yourself if you would be able to accept them. 

There is no formula for a successful marriage. All you need is love for each other and love can conquer anything. Do not expect trouble free marriage but try to overcome those troubles with love and peace. 

Go and explore the ups and downs of married life …All the best !!! :)

                                                                                                                                AUM