Behind those closed doors.

Bengaluru - a city where thousands of young ones come every day either to enroll in a course that will give them a good looking degree to flaunt or to get their dream job. I hear people calling my hometown, Kolkata “Bridha Ashram” (Old age home) because mostly you’ll see retired people in the Verandah sipping tea or coffee from their cups. Almost everyone’s daughters or sons had migrated to Bengaluru in search of a better life. I hear those parents to say that Bengaluru is more advanced than Kolkata in every sense. 

When I first came here in 2005, I was awestruck by it beautiful, clean places and stylish young girls and boys. I loved Bengaluru so much that I told my sister, “I would like to settle here someday”. She laughed and said, “For that you’ll have to earn at least 40,000 bucks per month.” It was a great figure that time and I gave up the idea. 

Whenever I used to take my sister to the happening places in Kolkata, she used to say, “Oh! This is nothing! Bangalore is so much better . They have lots of shopping malls and bigger than this. Girls wear fashionable dresses and much more “modern” than the Kolkata girls.” 

When she used this word “modern” I assumed that she is talking about all the girls including locals also and I thought modern means they enjoy more freedom than us. So, I had this idea that Bangalore is a place where girls are modern and enjoys more freedom.

But do you know what really happens inside those closed doors? After marriage when I came here in 2013, I had completely different viewpoints about Bengaluru. One of the reasons for that might be because I had no exposure to the outside world. I live in quite a good complex and I only visited the posh areas on weekend.  I enjoy my freedom here. We live here the way we want to live. Nobody is interested in our life. They are not interested when and where we’re going or at what time we’re coming back, who are visiting us on weekend and what we’re wearing and I like it that way. 

Literacy rate in Bangalore is around 80% which is higher than the other states in India. And here you’ll find more working women than in other states. What would you think after knowing this?  Girls enjoy more freedom here and are independent? I was shocked when I found out that this was not the case actually.

Bengaluru is a paradise for those who are looking for “Sushil Bahus”. Four months back, I started working in a Montessori school. I was very happy as this  my was second job after the long gap of 4 years. I felt this job will earn me the tag of an “independent and confident” woman. Moreover, I wanted to go out and see the real world. While working there I got opportunity to interact with lots of local women for the first time and I came across some shocking things about them which I am sharing with you in today’s post.

I used to work with all the ladies staffs. Two things were common in all of them. They all were frustrated and they couldn’t tolerate their mother in laws. Initially, I used to think it’s a typical women thing and ignored. But gradually I started understanding the reasons for their frustration when I started mixing with them on personal level. 

Life of local married women in Bengaluru is really tough. They are not allowed to marry anyone outside their community and caste. They have no right to marry the person of their own choice even if the guy is good. And I thought this only happens in North India where the literacy rate is quite low.

One day I was talking with one of the teacher after the class. I asked her, “Are you married?”

She replied, “Yes”,

“Arranged or love marriage?” 

She looked shocked, “of course, Arranged marriage”.

I asked, “Why arranged marriage is so obvious?” 

“Because we’re not allowed to do love marriage”,

“So, how your parents found out your man”? , I asked 

“He was my cousin brother.” She replied in a matter of fact tone.

I was so shocked to hear this but I used my journalistic skills here and didn’t show anything on my face. I wanted to make her feel comfortable so that she would share more information with me. My intention was to know about the life of these women. I was quite successful in my mission as gradually she started sharing her story with me.

I further asked her, “How many brothers and sisters you have”.

She took out a picture and said showing me, “I have four sisters and one brother. My brother is youngest among us and he is studying engineering.”  I could sense the proud in her voice while giving me the last piece of information.”

I looked at the picture again. A boy was sitting in the middle of the girls. A slight hint of smile in the corner of his lips told me that he was well aware about the importance of minority of his gender among the majority. I started counting the heads of the girls and there was one extra head. Showing the picture to her, I asked, 

“Who is she?”

She said, “She is my brother’s wife.”

“But you just now told me that he is a college student.”?

“Yes, he is a college student. He fell in love with this girl and told my father that he wants to marry this girl and that’s how they got married.” She replied.

Keeping a straight face, I asked (even though inside my mouth was wide open with shock) her, “but you told me that love marriages are not allowed.” 

She looked irritated with this question as if I was asking her something very obvious. She replied, “Of course, love marriages are not allowed.  But he is a boy! Papa allowed him to choose his own partner because he is a boy!” I was looking for betrayal in her tone. But she looked okay with this. 

I said, “So, if a girl choose her own partner then she become characterless and if a boy marry that same girl then society will not point figure at the boy? Your father is okay with your brother’s choice even though he had no job and is still a student but on the other hand, you, a teacher have no right to decide who you want to spend your life with?” 

She thought for few seconds and replied, “This is how things work in our village you know.” Her reaction told me that she had never thought about it this way before. She was accepting everything unquestioningly and I don’t think she is ever going to change that in her life. 

I know this mindset is very common especially in north India but I didn’t expect this here in Bengaluru.

That’s not all actually. I have many more incidents to share but today I don’t have time and also this post has already crossed 1200 words. So, I will write more on it in my upcoming posts!

I always love to read your feedback and opinion :)

Locked Door

Just outside our building campus a woman sell flowers every day and I buy flowers from her everyday. When my husband leaves for office, I also go with him to buy flowers. His bus stand is just adjacent to that woman’s shop. There is a convention in our house made by two us since we came here in this place. The convention is every time we both go outside together it’s my husband who always lock the door. As I sometimes behave in an unorganized manner and forgetful. 

Today, when we both were going outside, while he started locking the door, I just kept walking. I never take my phone with me when I just know that I will buy flowers and come back to our apartment. The whole process takes hardly 10 minutes to complete. So when today we reached our destination, I found that shop was closed. So I was standing with my husband until his office bus came to pick up my husband. During that time we both were talking about all short of general things. His bus came after 10 minutes.

After my husband left, I was coming back to our apartment and when I reached 1^st floor I realized that I don’t have keys. It’s with my husband. For few seconds I stood frozen their but my mind said to me that it’s the time to act and be calm. I was wondering when he will noticed that keys are with him. He had no clue when he will come back from office. Then I thought I need to reach him through phone but I had left my phone inside the apartment. I don’t know anyone in our campus. I don’t know who are neighbors are. I couldn’t just knock at their door and ask for their phone. Moreover, I don’t know my husband’s number. It is stored in my mobile. I don’t remember anyone’s number including mine.

I didn’t know what to do but I found myself walking towards the bus stop. I was in my sweat pants and just had 10 bucks in my hand. I saw two security people from our apartment talking to each other. I went to one of the man and asked if he has mobile phone, I need it urgently. Without asking me anything he gave me his phone. I remember my uncle’s mobile number. His number is same since I was a kid and we used to call him lot since that time. He always saves me from difficult situations. You can say that he is also my father. He is my mother’s brother. He is in Mumbai on a business trip.

I called him. I was worried if he doesn’t pick up a call from an unknown number. I was thinking what if my husband doesn’t pick up my uncle’s call. My mind was running into several directions but I looked calm outside. I was somehow calm inside also. I was just thinking what could be the consequences and how to deal with them in advance. My uncle answered my call at the second last ring. Luckily he understood my situation quickly and our conversation was over within 30 seconds. I thanked the owner of the phone and gave him back his thing.

Minutes felt like hours and I had no way to know if my husband got to know about my current situation. I needed to use the washroom. I thought of using bathroom which is exclusively for the security person and maids. I even made the plan to spend my entire day in the security room if my husband doesn’t turn up. 

Then after sometime, I didn’t have watch also so don’t know the exact time I saw my husband running towards me. I didn’t know how to react. I was bit worried what if he yell at me. But we just looked at each other and started laughing. 

I heard his version of story while again waiting for his bus. He was in bus and he was talking to his father over phone. He didn’t answer my uncle’s first call and when my uncle called him again for the second time even when his call was on waiting. He thought something is wrong. He picked up uncle’s call and my uncle asked him if he has apartment’s keys with him and at once he understood what he has done and got down from the bus. Luckily he got another bus quickly to return and came to me running. 

Good thing about this incident is we didn’t argue or played blame game with each other. It is the sign that our relationship is becoming more mature than it was before. This episode taught me an important lesson that I must memorize the numbers of my family members especially my husband’s. Although I know that as long as my uncle is there nothing can happen to me. Well, GOD you played a nice joke on us! I enjoyed it :)

                                                                                                                            AUM

Wrong Brush !

Generally, we wake up at 6 am every morning. That way my husband get to spend some quite and calm moments before the starting of his hectic day. I feel night is the time for retrospection and morning is the time to look forward. Every morning hope for a “better you” and at night before going to sleep check if you succeeded or not. Success would not come immediately and that’s perfectly alright. Don’t judge yourself too harshly. Pat yourself if no one else does for at least trying. Everyday is the first day of your life. Ignite the hope every morning and someday we are all going to achieve our perfection.

We were not able to open our eyes today morning. Climate was so good. Somehow my husband woke up at around 6:20 am and I followed him after around 10 minutes. I walked like a dead body towards bathroom to brush my teeth. After brushing my teeth and cleaning my brush with water I thought I need a new brush and then suddenly I realized that it was not my brush. I brushed my teeth with my husband’s tooth brush. This was my first time. Before when I heard these kinds of stories I used to laugh so bad on those people and wondered how they couldn’t identify their own brush. Now I’ve done the same. 

Then I thought I would inform my husband about it and ask him to use a new one but I forgot about it completely after coming out from the washroom and went straight into the kitchen to make tea for us. While having tea suddenly it came back to me but the damaged was already done. My husband had already brushed his teeth with that brush. Still I informed him what I’ve done. Once he had done the same thing and I made fun of him. Therefore, he replied, “see I am such a good man, I am not saying anything to you for doing this.” So this way our day started with a funny incident and smile on my face. 

I am thankful to God for giving me this small happy moment to write about. I am learning to live in present and collecting small moments from my life. Whenever I will look back in future, A piece of SHE…would remind me through these articles how I really LIVED few moments of my life. I am done with this article and now I am going to call my mother and would broadcast my stupidity on social networking sites.  I would imagine their laughing faces (some of my friends would call me to curse me, I love them for doing that) and sound of their laugh would make my day. And the day I stop laughing at my own stupidity, will be the day when I would cease living. 

                                                                                                                           AUM

Surprise Guest !

I and my husband sit in the verandah with a cup of ginger tea every morning. Most of the time we sit quietly and we try to absorb the peace from those silent moments. You know the best moments are those when you don’t need to use words either of happiness or sadness. Those moments shows the calmness inside our heart. Yesterday also we both were at the verandah, sipping tea from our cups when suddenly my husband noticed a human like hands hanging from the iron rods in our adjacent verandah. He didn’t say anything what it was, feared that I might start screaming. He just said to me,”go inside”. And fortunately I behaved intelligently and obeyed to him without asking anything. As soon as we went inside our house he had immediately closed the sliding door of our Balcony.  I thought it might be some bird or may be security person from our complex is spraying something to kill mosquitoes or honeybee which might be harmful for our health if we inhale that.

After that my husband was looking outside from the closed window. He asked me to  remain quiet and look outside and I found a big monkey hanging in our verandah. It was hard to believe but it was right there in front of us. He came alone and all other society people were unaware of his presence  in our complex. Our place is surrounded with buildings and there isn’t any forest nearby, I wondered from where this monkey came from to pay visit to us in our 2^nd floor flat. 

He then moved into our first balcony where we were sitting before with our tea cups and peaceful mind. Little bit fear I had disappeared. We could see him properly now. We were separated by a transparent glass door. I asked my husband to quickly find his camera to click the pictures of our royal guest. He went inside to do the same. Meanwhile, I and our royal guest were gazing at each other as if we were trying to understand each other. Minutes felt like hours and I looked behind to find out where my husband was and again looked in the monkey’s direction and he was gone. Just like that.  

I felt bit sad. I wanted to spend some more time with him. Just his presence was enough. I just wanted to observe his activities and later if I could gather some courage, I wanted to feed him. He just completely disappeared. We looked for him in other flats from our flat balcony but he was gone. God knows from where it had come and where it has gone!

This reminds me of another similar incident that had happened with us in March of this year. My family members came to stay with us for few days. We live in a three room rented flat and with each room there is huge attached balcony. Once my elder sister was inside in one of our room. She was taking out her clothes from the wardrobe and from the corner of her eyes she thought that a black creature was sitting beside the wardrobe, watching her. Her heart almost stopped and somehow she gathered the courage to look in that direction to find out what it was. She saw a little black pigeon sitting there.  

She is very fond of birds or any pet actually. Her fear disappeared and she took that bird into her hand to love it. she noticed that the  bird was injured. It seemed to us that an eagle tried to killed the bird and it was a baby bird and haven’t yet learned flying. So it somehow saved itself from the eagle’s attack and was hiding in our room. It was very scared. The baby bird didn’t even know how to eat. The bird stayed with us under our bed that day. We gave it water and food but the bird couldn’t eat it. 

We didn’t know what to do with it next day. We had planned a road trip and we were starting early in the morning. We were thinking if we free him then the eagle might again try to attack him and he hadn’t learned flying yet. So the bird wouldn’t be able to protect itself. We didn’t like to lock in our house but we had no other option. So we had kept enough food and water for it before leaving. We left at 6 am and came back at around 11:30 pm. We were dead tired. As soon as we entered the room, we started looking for the bird. We couldn’t find the bird. We were shocked and surprised  because all the doors and windows were closed then we wondered where it might go. Then one of us look above and we found the bird sitting at the top of the wardrobe. Then the bird started flying here and there. We were happy to know that at last, the bird is ready to spread it wings and conquer the world!

Often after my husband leave for office and I sit with a book in the balcony a black pigeon come to greet me. We look at each other for few minutes and then the bird fly away. I wonder if it is the same bird that was hiding in our house. The bird seems to understand my question but it seems that the bird is in no hurry to reveal its identity. And I have no way to know that for sure. The bird just wants to be there for few minutes for me everyday silently and lovingly. And I am grateful to the few moments of its innocent presence in my life.

So you see unexpected cute visitors often pay visit to us! Do you have any such experience of unexpected visitor in your house? Please share your story with us :)

                                                                                                                          AUM